Better state of mind, back at it again.

Just when I thought something good was coming to me getting into an actual relationship, things hit south. The crazy thing is, that I swear whenever I talk about it to friends/family or the internet, somehow it takes a wrong turn. At times I wouldn’t say anything to anyone until I felt like it was going somewhere because it sucks when people ask and you are like uhhhh about that. Then again, it honestly has nothing to do with talking about it at all, shit just hits the fan because it was never really meant to be. Oh yeah, remember the blog that I wrote about this so called mystery man, well I tried, put my honest effort into and it’s time to jump ship.

The craziest thing for me was that step, to official jump all in and try to make it work, I NEVER do that, I guess you could say I was a always scared to do that from past experiences and lets be frank, with the whole online dating scene. If you have never done it and will never do it because you are in a committed relationship, well let me tell you, it’s different. Definitely has its good and bad, I will say more bad than good but that’s how she rolls my friends. Back to jumping all in, that was a get out of my comfort zone moment and although it didn’t end how I would have liked it to, it bares to show the human I am and brings me to a different level of growth. Now, you have no idea how much my head was rolling around on well it will still work out, or I can wait a bit longer because of slight little things. Damn ladies and gents and here I thought I was strong as fuck to not do that, EVER. Not even the slightest amount of temptation but it goes to show how much you really know yourself when push comes to shove. I will admit, I slipped up and gave in BUT not no more, it’s honestly not worth my time, doesn’t matter how magical I thought how everything played out. It's so mind blowing how much our mind can try to make something a fairytale when it's more than likely the worst thing for ourselves. Now I can officially relate to the struggle males or females have in staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons because that one reasons just seems so damn great, that you think it will work out. As much as my heart is pushing me to keep trying, I’m glad my head has come around and said get the fuck out. I am worth more than someone who doesn’t want to commit.

To the previous blog before this one, I’m pretty sure I shed a pretty big layer of myself because today I am feeling some type of way, almost like a new me but still the same. I broke down, let me tell you that for a bunch of reasons that all came together until my body let it all out. Now if you have never done or felt this, you don’t even know how freaking sadly exhilarating it is because you are so down in the dumps in the moment, at that time but then a few days later, light as a feather. Whenever I have moments like that I know something big is coming, it’s like education for the soul. Another thing I just love about all this is that I have gotten this book from the library twice now but haven’t read it yet before I have had to return it, well I just got it again on Sunday again. I am finally starting it tonight and I can just feel the energy and vibe that this is going to be a book that I need to read, just this is the right time with everything happening. It has happened time and time again, and that is one thing I absolutely love about life and diving into it, diving into my issues and problems, whether it’s solely me or others. Everything comes around full circle when you dive in, if you don’t things just sink deeper and deeper.

Back to square 1 again, on the online dating scene which I’ve been trying this new app called Bumble, tried it a few times before with no such luck, this time around though. What a difference and a lot better men on here from other sites, which is such a breath of fresh air. Now with all that you have read in the above paragraphs I want to reflect this on a new state of mind and energy, I am that person. I believe that this all plays apart on whatever happens in your life and where you go because things may be holding you back, even when you don’t fully realize!! I am ready to take on this new adventure, meet and greeting and see where things lead me too. Let’s just can me Jan 2.0, let the good times roll and won’t lie, probably some shitty times too.

I just want to end it here to all of you, NEVER stop diving into yourself!! Doesn't what other people think or do or say to you, this is what makes the best part of you and will eventually find the best parts of you. It twas and emotional rollercoaster but I wouldn't have it any other way even though it broke me to the ground.