Getting Curious, Emotionally.


When it comes down to emotions, a lot of us are reactive with them when we enter a situation that has occurred and not to our liking. Never really getting curious as to "why" am I feeling like that, instead we jump to conclusions or throw it under the rug. At this time shit begins to build up and the reactivity gets heightened, to a point of no return. Some people can live their whole life like this and never get to a point of growth or understanding of how they could potentially change things.

This week as some have experienced, I have been really "OFF" like that's a understatement. Jan Jan over here was someone else and riding an emotional roller coaster, my monthly was still weeks away so that can't be used as an excuse. I would say I am a empathetic and emotional feeling person but this took a whole other turn around for me, I've never experienced what I experienced this past week... EVER. I like to think of myself as a healer as well, the one to help everyone else with their problems and troubles so when it came to me, I was somewhat lost. I wanted to hide or make excuses for everything that I was feeling, I also find it hard to ask for help or advice because I'm the person who usually gives it. I'm pretty sure the tears I have shed could put out the BC fires in one shot, maybe a little dramatic, just a bit.

I have some pretty great humans in my life that have helped me with the shit that was going on in my head and life, as much as they have advice, it all comes down to YOU, in figuring it out. The different approaches and insights really do make a difference and put things into perspective, you just have to be the one to do it. Whatever works for you, may not work for another human being but could still spark something inside of you. I think at this point I was lost for what I wanted in life, sometimes I get stuck on what other people have and thinking I should have that too. Something's you just can't force as much as a good thing it seems to the outside world or how it could be. If it's not there its not there. I've been on my own for so long, self sufficient and am not in the mind frame to settle, at all. It's crazy, I'm so great at creating real good friendship bonds that connect on a other level but when it comes down to the romantic relationships, its hella difficult. Last week, I was in a spot of not knowing what I wanted, jumping the gun and trying to make things work for a better whole, what I mean by that is, I'm trying to set my life in that sense like others because it's time. The wrong way to look at things because it wouldn't fulfill me at all inside, even though the outside would appear great. The off and on struggle that I couldn't quite wrap my head around until I dug deep within myself after communicating with some special humans to get some outside input. One moment I will not forget is telling one of my friends about the issue/problem/lost feeling was she straight out told me, I'm going to be honest, you are being hypersensitive at that moment so whatever was being said, it wouldn't of mattered. You still would of felt that way because the emotions were already flowing, I was already reacting before I even realized. Now at that moment usually people would be reactive even more by defending no that's not it all, but in reality, putting things into perspective it makes total sense.

I took the weekend off of my phone/technology and what a freeing feeling that was. It's crazy how much power our phone has on us and the people on the other line of connection as well, including social media. I think another big positive of understanding my emotions was being present, not having a getaway(phone, games, TV) to put everything on the back burner. I connected and enjoyed time with people I love, I went for walks, I read and played Sudoku, I cleaned my house and whatever emotion came up, I asked why and dealt with it. I also find that whenever an emotion comes up, we are afraid or scared to feel it because we are just not ready to enter that next level of growth or change or we just don't want to accept what's happening. As much as this was a horrible week for myself, I have opened up a new layer and have educated myself on things that would of never happened if this didn't happen. I have a new client starting in 2 weeks and I messaged her asking if she's ready to get started and in her message she say's " I really need your positive vibes in my life". In my head, I'm like man you should of seen me last week, positivity was out of the window but then it brought me back to who I really am. & that it's okay to be lost, to cry, to feel so many emotions at once because at the end of the day you are still you but you still have that chance to grow into a better human. I'm getting back to doing things that make me happy and benefit myself(mind, body,soul) because I think sometimes I lose myself in the game of life, this happens to bring things back into perspective.

Also huge apologies and thanks to the ones who had to deal with my venting interrupted with crying episodes/tears. Life is not suppose to be all rainbows and sunshine's, shit hits the fan but we will all get through it, just need to push those boundaries. Get curious about your emotions instead of just reacting to them, you can learn a lot about yourself, life and others.

Cherrio my humans! Today is a new day, smile and be grateful you are alive..

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