I have always been a sensitive being but never really figured out why until a week or so ago. I think life sometimes can take us the wrong way, which is totally okay because that's how we learn and grow. I would most definitely say my "sensitive self" is way different than it was years ago. I almost want to say years ago it was more for attention wise, if you can believe that. My mindset was misplaced because I actually didn't know who I was, yet wanted to be someone for everyone else. I played the victim A LOT. I cried, got angry and felt so many emotions, for the absolute wrong reasons. I don't think I actual felt my emotions or better yet didn't release them internally.
A lot of us women will blame being sensitive on our monthly cycle, which yes it does make us extra sensitive and moody. I'm pretty sure I did just that a few weeks ago because it felt like everyday, multiple times a day, I would cry or tear up for a reason or no reason at all. Why? I kept asking myself. Especially the cries or tears for no reason at all, just boom tears are flowing. At this point I made the mistake of saying my heart can be "too much" at times to a real gem of a being where she wasn't letting that come out of my mouth, EVER again. I think I was using that as a scapegoat because I didn't want to face whatever I needed to face. When you have people in your life that challenge you and sometimes believe you more than yourself, they are real keepers. The whole next week I dove in deeply to figure out why at times the emotion just flows. One day by the river, reading a book, I saw a lady park her vehicle and get out to go walk the trails at lunch time. Nothing to emotional at that right? Well here is Jan, tears a flowing and that was the day that put my sensitive being into perspective. The lady was a bit overweight and we all know how much society deems that bad and puts us down for that, we all have to look a certain way to be accepted. I have no idea who this lady is or what her story is but deep down I applauded her for getting out because maybe that was the hardest thing to do.
My heart and soul, they are the real MVP's, they feel so deeply as if I'm walking in other peoples shoes. I think I've been so lost & hurt in the past that I would never want anyone to feel that ever. As much as the tears can be draining and obviously make my eyes hurt, it's one of the most magical feelings to experience. The energies and vibes of people are easily transferred to myself which can be a shit show at times because negative vibes are not good! I think the big difference in my heart and soul is working towards blocking those unwanted vibes in my soul, as well as finding ways to release them. One thing I learned from this conversation and reflecting, is to embrace everything you feel because some people have no heart, no feelings and have a hard time loving. You are lucky to feel, as much at times it may hurt more than ever.
One of my favorite parts of life is the ability to love and be loved.