I received some shitty news in the beginning of February that had me feeling down, just the sucker punch in the gut kind of feel. It was a Thursday and by the weekend I was feeling better because it is what it is until the truth hit Monday. When you find out the real reason of how things played out and it was just out right unfair and twisted. I was dumbfounded and riddled for a whole week about this situation, I let it take over my life for a good 2 months. As much as I said I was over it, didn't care and was moving on, it just never happened till about last week when realization occurred.
Now I am not going to go through the whole issue because it's beside the part and it really has no place in my life and in this blog but we will go through some underlining issues. I was hands down full out angry and bitter about it, more than i let known until it was known from some people. I kept going back in my mind of how this could of happened to me over and over, literally took up my soul for way too long. As the days went on I kept finding out more and more knowledge that didn't make this whole decision make sense and built up my case of why it was so wrong. Now the whole situation itself stung but what really hurt was that someone who I thought had my back really didn't in the process, that was like a knife in the heart. Things just kept creeping up that would pull me back into that mind frame of what happened and one day a few weeks ago I sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. I could not stop and at this time I knew I was shedding a layer and growing, I felt like a dead weight had been lifted. Sometimes you just need to let it all out instead of keeping it in, pushing it to the side and sweeping it under the rug. The morning before this big cry fest I was in some type of mood and just kept festering up how pissed I was and how I wanted to get back at them in anyway I could. As I look back now it's all so crazy to think that mentality would ever do any good for me except dig me into a bigger hole of a shitty mess.
After all this happened I wasn't myself at all, day in and out, I let this situation take control of who I was and finally jumped out of it. Someone mentioned to me if I was mad at them because of my attitude, my energy and soul sucking persona, I couldn't believe it. That is when reality checked in, if you know me, you know that that's not anywhere near who I am. Around this time I ended up reading a book and it had the quote in the picture and really spoke to me, I was trying so hard to be in darkness and hate this whole process that I lost what really matters. My happiness, my energy and life are way more important than any shitty thing that happens to me, I have the power to not let that change. We all have the power to be better and take the better road instead of being stuck in a dungeon of hate. Why was I being such a negative nancy because of something else that happened to me, why did I let this situation take over my life for the span of 2 months, in the end they choose to do it for whatever reasons. It had nothing to do with me, my character and my experience but I took it upon myself to believe all of that nonsense and choose the blame game. The real deal here is I let this happen, no one else, tricking myself that it was someone else fault.
Maybe you have had an experience similar to this where we get lost in the process and try to fight it, do everything in our power to get back at them. The universe works in amazing ways and it was just showing me that something else is better out there for me and it's time to accept and let go. Our minds are tricky beings because it's always challenging us to be something we are not because it's easier that way then to actually go against. I just want you to know you are never alone and you have the power to tell your mind to shut the front door and choose the light. I can't even explain the feeling of expressing more love and light to the people that did wrong, it leaves us joyous as crazy as that sounds. The light will always shut the darkness and love will always conquer the hate because that's how our souls are meant to be happy.
We are all human and bad things are going to happen in life, more than we want but this is what makes us who we are and gives us that chance to be better. Some of us it takes a bit longer to realize and conquer, don't ever give up, don't ever stay with hate and darkness. Those two do nothing but make us feel like we have nothing going for ourselves and produce more negative than positive.
Stay Balanced my friends.
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