It's crazy to look back and think of how much I didn't care about spending time with family members. When we are young we have this whole outlook on life of trying to be cool in school or with friends and just have different priorities. Well I will admit for myself, I can't speak for anyone else but maybe you can relate, who knows. I always would complain about doing things like spending my weekend or a night at baba's or visiting because I would miss out on things with friends and what not. I would think it was a interruption in my life or hindered it somehow, as freaking messed up as it sounds, I'm just being real. Not until things got bad with her health did the whole picture start to come into mind, especially when she passed. I had this guilt, this sadness and just out right bad grandkid syndrome I was or just person in general. This lingered for quite awhile which is totally understandable because it just shouldn't of happened but what's done is done, nothing I can change after the fact. We always have that chance to grow and learn from our troubles and mistakes, which in the last few years I have done just that so those emotions have let up because I know she is looking down and sees the person I have become. I don't think she saw me as what I have explained up above but it's always crossed my mind when I look back, and maybe it crossed hers here and there, I will never know. I don't have any grandparents left, there is just so much time that I would like to take back and dive right in with everything I got.
These past few weeks, what I should of done way back when, I fulfilled. I was curious and excited to make homemade Ukrainian food and canned pickles because that's what we always use to do. Back in the day I dreaded all the times I'd be asked, it was like a chore and I didn't want to be a part of it. I just wanted to eat all the goods later. This time was different and I wish you were here to witness, I realized that it wasn't a chore, the time spent together is what matters. I've come to the conclusion that, that's what means the most, in my life and yours. I can't take it back but I can implement that in my life this way forward, & that's what I'm going to do. It's crazy how much shit we revolve our life around and so much of it doesn't even matter in the big picture, yet we treat the time with the people we love with no disregard at times. If we only knew how much these times and energies really matter, that's my goal in this life is to make that a big part of the people in my life. I've been so bad at it in the past, but instead of reflecting and bringing it up, time to be present and make a difference now. Last night was another big moment after 6 years of struggle, but it just puts into perspective that L O V E has no boundaries, nothing can hinder a relationship when you feel the energy, love and vibes from human beings you have in your life. No words have to be said, I can see from your smile, your laugh and the connection we have as much as it's trying to be taken away! My niece and nephew mean the world to me and every time I get to spend with them and just enjoy our time together is the best feeling in the world. Let it be known that last night we had no toys or material things that brought us together, it was the simply goofy, crazy interaction that brought so much joy into that hour together. Once again, that time, those moments are priceless and mean everything. I wish I would of known this when I was younger but this is what I will continue to influence them with, because it's powerful and can change a person. This is what I strive to be and do to anyone I ever meet and especially who is apart of my life, a person who means so much.
So on a ending note, if you are in my life and reading this, more than not I will be TOO much but in a good way. I just value my time and energy with you and want you to know you are loved and listened too and appreciated. I may stare in your eyes too long, cry when you cry, be happy when you truly are and just simply be there with you. I will go out of my way to make your day in the simplest way because that's what matters to me, and I think it should to everyone else but I can't be the decider of that. All I know is I can only do what I can and hopefully people will move along with me and realize the impact it has on a lot of people, strangers or not.
On a end note, thank you for reading and hopefully you can relate and go from there, spread love wherever you can, love deep and make those little things matter.
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