In the darkness, you decide the light.

My YouTube video only goes into so much because no on would really watch a 20 min video of me talking in the dark BUT it takes less time to read! J This blog is inspired by my best friend Kelsey and her husband Jason because they are the definition of not being perfect yet having this love, joy and happiness radiate all over, in the good and bad. Definitely a couple to look up too. The amount of love that is shown through pictures, moments, reality pre, during and post is enough for anyone to feel it. I’m still on a high because I’ve been blessed enough to be a part of all of it.

SO an explanation of why I choose to do it in the dark, well we all go through dark stages in life yet even in those stages there is still light, joy, love and happiness, just depends how you react. It’s crazy how much this feeling is always with me, in the last year or so, it’s a breath of fresh air. The one thing that I have noticed is that it doesn’t matter who I am with, if I’m with anyone, where I am, if I’m anywhere and if I’m where I should be or not. All I know is that I feel these on my own, alone , by myself, with friends/family, struggle, hard ships and just being myself the most. It has become more relevant as the days go by and it’s one of the best feelings ever because my heart skips a bit, I smile and laugh unexpectedly, my heart wants to jump out, the positive vibes and energy surge right through me. The little things, come in and out of my mind, my memories and these are where the feelings just explode.

I don’t have a lavish life like people, society want BUT I do have a lavish life for myself. Money doesn’t equal my happiness, I can be living pay check to pay check and still have these feelings explode in my heart. Material things do not equal my happiness, I could drive the shittiest car, wear the same sweats over and over, go back to a flip phone and these feelings are still there. The amount of friends I have does not equal my happiness, the amount of positive, uplifting good kind of people add to your positive feelings that are already there.

Life is so precious that we all forget that it is. Some people think it’s annoying when people wake up in a good mood at the wee hours of the morning but if you think about it, the energy you have is the way you live your life. You want to wake up pissed off, no motivation, annoyed, and negative then that will be how you will lead your day. & honestly who wants to lead that kind of life, I understand that we have those days but it can be changed, you just have to want it. You have to put work into it, whether you open your mind, learn from past experiences or other people or switch your perspective. I can honestly say switching my perspective to a more positive one has changed my life and embracing everyday, moment and making it the best. One day I got so angry at someone for something they did that affected me, I wrote on my white board “The energy you put out, is exactly what you get back” “Jan remember that, only positive vibes.” I honestly repeated that out loud in my room pacing until it sunk in and boom slowly that negative energy left me. Your mind can be a powerful tool in a good way or bad way; it’s not an easy thing to make it a good thing. Like anything in life it takes work, you have to want it and be patient, nothing comes quick and easy but it can happen. The beauty of the mind is you have the power to change it at any state, so choose the one that will benefit you.

If you asked me things 3 years ago and beyond my mind was winning, it was taking over my life, now I am winning over my mind. Like I said in my video, I’m the happiest and luckiest person on the planet because those feelings come out to play every single day whether an external, internal or no state at all comes into play. I honestly wish I could explain to you just how crazy awesome those feelings are because most of the time I’m not in a state, it just happens. I definitely make sure I have external factors that contribute to a beautiful life I lead because those moments and memories are worth more than anything, those as well give me those moments of love, joy, happiness, laughter and smiles when times are grey.

These feelings are still out to play when I’m struggling, when I’m crying, when I’m angry, when I’m by myself or alone, even if I had no one in my life. Who wants no one in their life tho? The right kind of people are the best kind to release these feelings, even if you get the wrong kind of people, there is something, a reason, you just have to dig for it. From these we cease the days where we grow and develop into the life we have always wanted to live, encountering these on the daily in a different mind set. STOP, reading into things, analyzing because that’s where your mind goes into over drive and steals the thunder, you are the star of your own show, not your mind. The more thoughts of the good things, the better the life you will lead, embrace those every single day, never let them go. The more good you give out to the world, the more that will get back to you in some period of time, little or big, that shouldn’t matter.

These out of this world feeling will be with me for eternity; here is the quote that makes this all on point:

Pure joy is not a state.

It’s not, ‘Wow, I am having a really good time.’

Good time, bad time- such times make no difference to the Self.

You don’t know what good time and bad time is.

You only know the joy of the Supreme.

You are always empty.

Inside, outside: empty.

You don’t know how to measure anything.

This emptiness is not a measure.

It’s just your joy – the joy that was there from before the beginning of this world.

And it is her during the great play of the world.

And after the show of the world is over, it will still be here.

Here inside your Heart you find it.


Stay balanced my friends.


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